directboats.com/swanpaddleboat.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=60306043005​

Dear Rory,
You are amazing and always give such sage advice. So I need your help.
What's with girls and always bringing up their ex's?
-Desperate in Texas

There once was a man from Nantucket, 
Whose cock was so long he could suck it. 
He said with a grin 
As he wiped off his chin, 
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it! 
​

nypost.com/2017/03/21/bull-gores-11-inch-horn-up-matadors-butt/​

For the low low price of $60 million USD (estimate) You can own this exquisite 59.60 ct pink diamond. 

www.thejewelleryeditor.com/videos/fine-jewellery/is-this-the-next-record-breaking-diamond/?action=play​

You can be the most glamorous person on your block. Who cares about the lovely Gucci shoes the harlot bought down the street when you have the most valuable diamond up for auction on your hand?
Dear Rory says "Go Big or GO Home!"
Happy Shopping and Good luck at the auction in Hong Kong (It is actually a really boring city).

You're Welcome,
​Dear Rory

On a side note: the model's finger nails are awful. For $60 million USD we deserve better. Find a new manicurist.

2 packets of lime jello
1 can of Redi-Whip (cool-whip could suffice)
1 can of pineapple chucks (well drained)
a handful of chocolate covered gummy bear or tootise rolls

Step 1: boil 2 cups of boiling water
Step 2: dissolve the jello
Step 3: add a 1 cup of cold water to the jello
Step 4: let the jello set for 30 mins
Step 5: Mix in the chunks of canned pineapple
Step 6: slightly oil the bunt pant or any other mold with a little vegetable oil
Step 7: pour the jello mixture into mold and chill for 4 hours
Step 8: slightly warm the mold in warm water for an easy release (you can use you fingers to help get it out. Just wash your hands before doing so)
Step 9: Flip onto a plate and decorate with your amazing "whipped cream" and gummy bears

All of your friends will be amazed and dazzled by your cooking talents. So therefore you will be invited to all of their future dinner parties! You are welcome for the sage advice.

Happy Cooking,
​Dear Rory

For the low low price of $1100 you can be the most fashionable person on your block! (way better than that stupid  fat whore slut that bought those plastic knee jeans)

shop.nordstrom.com/s/gucci-kimberly-embellished-pump-women/4345405?cm_mmc=displayfb-_-kenshoo-_-ret-_-76521855​

Dear Gentle Reader,

It is obvious that your girlfriend finds this amusing. She is a disgusting bitch and you should probably get rid of her. Maybe in a river or a swamp. Both work.
If one needs to fart Dear Rory recommends simply walking outside or going to the vanity room. 
It is so very déclassé to fart in public, even more so upon your love interest. 
So I recommend a Swamp, it could suit her gaseous nature. Additionally,​ bodies are harder to find.

With Hope and Love,
Dear Rory

Comment
Hello Web Admin,
​ I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SeoOptimizationGuide.com">Seo Plugin</a>

For the low low price of $95, you can be the most fashionable person on your block!

Dear Gentle Reader,
I can understand your confusion and anxiety; it is only natural after you get your delicate blossom banged for 7 hours straight without even a break for water (I applaud your fortitude).... This is why I always keep a glass of water on the nightstand. 
​
Sexuality is a fluid thing and depends on who your are attracted to. You do not need to label yourself. You can like men and women; if you want to say you are gay. Great! Gay guys are the best in my opinion. If not, you can be the "gay guy" that your girl amazingly turned you into a heterosexual man because her Vag is super amazing! *Hahaha! tosses hair and waits for wedding ring*

Do whatever makes you happy.
Except raping and killing babies. Dear Rory looks down upon that. (it will not cure your AIDS)

Warm Wishes,
Dear Rory


​

P.S. If anyone ever says 'no homo", It is full on homo. Use a condom; you don't want a George Clonney ass.

Dear Cunt Punt Challenged Reader,
​Dear Rory understands your confusion. (I may or may not have answered your inquiry before.This is the joy of having a diet that consists mostly of vodka and cigarettes. Everything is a SURPRISE And NEW!)
I have heard the term front butt, just to be sure, had to Urban Dictionary "Cunt Punt" to confirm.
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cunt%20punt
It is such a lovely term and so very elegant; I decided to compose a Haiku about it:

Dear Gentle Reader,

I recently had the same problem for a potluck last month, thinking about bringing a similar dish! I thought sauerkraut is so very blase and predictable. It would almost be embarrassing to serve to that to the guests in such an elegant Crown of Frankfurters.
While obviously it is just made for beauty, for if a gauche guest were to take one the frankfurters the entire dish would fall apart, the filling is most important.
After long and extensive research, I came up with a solution for a filling to please everyone: Gluten-free, Organic, Free-range Artichoke Spinach dip!
This way I was able to please all the guests, vegetarians, vegans and meat eaters all at once. It was a brilliant solution and a smashing success! Recipe link below:
https://www.foodlion.com/recipes/gluten-free-hot-spinach-and-artichoke-dip/

I hope your dish goes over as well as mine did.

With Love,
Dear Rory


​