Texan Woman Troubles

Dear Rory,
You are amazing and always give such sage advice. So I need your help.
What's with girls and always bringing up their ex's?
-Desperate in Texas

Dear Texan Gentle Reader,
​Woman are complicated and very delicate creatures. Think of them as antique dolls.
When she speaks of her ex, she is trying to tell you what she likes about him or her and what you are doing wrong.
Because everything you do is wrong. EVERYTHING!
So, listen, nod and tell her she is beautiful. That usually solves most problems. 
Additionally, she speaks of her ex often for you might have a small penis.(she's a size queen)

Best of Luck,
Dear Rory