kk Rory you wanna give me sum advisejust so happens i need sum . i went to buy a piece of art yesterdaya bateman called ocean rhapsody i also seen another i liked called Tembo same artist i can get Tembo now and even taked the guy down in price , i really want ocean rhapsody but i will have to wait to locate one and get it shipped ..hmmmmmmm what to do

Translation*:
Dear Incredibly Handsome and Wonderful Rory,

I hear you give amazing advice and I just so happen to be in need of some. I am in the market to buy a new piece of art and am torn between two pieces. One of the pieces is entitled "Ocean Rhapsody" and the other is entitled "Tembo". I like the "Tembo" because I am getting a fair price on it and it is available right now. Although, I REALLY want the "Ocean Rhapsody" but I would have to track one down and wait for it to arrive.
I'm torn and know that only your wisdom and sage advice can help me out of this terribly difficult predicament.

Much Love,
Locci (a.k.a Your #1 Fan!!!)

* Artistic licence may have been used.

Dear Rory,

Every couple of weeks I end up grabbing a grilled chicken taco from Del Taco accompanied by their delicious spicy hot sauce for a quick lunch near the office. I find it a consistent product at a fair price, which is hard to find downtown.

The problem I'm having with this Del Taco location is due to an inappropriate acting Manager. She likes me. She really, really likes me. It makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to handle it since I've clearly shown no interest in a 68 year old Guatemalan Grandmother.

How can I make it more clear to her that I want a chicken taco and not her fish taco?

Troubled in TacoLand,

-Nacho Daddy 

Dear Rory, would like to know what are the thoughts behind December 21,2012.
 Exaclty what's going happen to earth ? 

Dear Rose,

Fear not! The Mayan calender does not end in 2012. It is simply the end of a cycle and archaeologists recently found new paintings that illustrate that point: Time goes on.http://www.npr.org/2012/05/13/152519575/maya-artwork-uncovered-in-a-guatemalan-forest?sc=fb&cc=fp 
On the other hand, we're all probably going to die. Maybe from Asian bird flu, maybe from a North Korean missile test, maybe the TSA will decide we all should die and kill us all of if we dare to board a plane. My magic eight ball is cloudy and I cannot say for certain.You should watch more Fox News. They are so smart and will be able to help you in this upcoming battle. Go Fox News!

Dear Gentle Readers,**UPDATE** I was sharing wine with friends (a.k.a me) when I wrote this post. Please enjoy my drunken writing style.

Dear Rory,
Lately, penguins have been invading my dreams. What is the message? 
-Ashton Kucher 

Dear Ashton,

After extensive research, a.k.a. googling what penguins in a dream means, I found a lovely website for dream  interpretation: http://www.dreammoods.com  It says:
Penguin

To see a penguin in your dream signifies that your problems are not as serious as you may think. It serves as a reminder for you to keep your cool and remain level-headed. Alternatively, seeing a penguin in your dream suggests that you are being weighed down by your emotions or by a negative situation. You need to find some balance and inner harmony

So my thoughts are that after cheating on Demi and banging all those cheap whores, it isn't as bad as you think. But you should seek balance in all the whores you stick your man finger into. A couple cheap whores totally fine, but a lot of cheap whores es no bueno. Seek some balance dude!

And on another note, stick a glove on it. You wouldn't want to get THIS pregnant:

Dear Rory, 
My beloved kittycat, Vanessa, refuses to speak to me. Neither will she return my texts and/or voicemails. I am worried that she has a fungus. I would like take her to the veterinarian but, for reasons that I don't feel comfortable discussing at the moment, I am currently restricted from entering the premises of any of my local veterinarian offices. What do I do about Vanessa? I fear this fungus is destroying us. Please help. I am desperate

Dear Rory,

I love my husband to death, but I don't know if I can handle him in the morning anymore.

Here's the problem: He won't get up. He would prefer to stay in bed all day long rather than jump in the shower at the crack of Noon and join me for lunch.

How do I raise the Bear?

-Sleepless in Cartegana