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Rich Husband

6/16/2012

Dear Rory.

Dear Rory, How do I find a rich husband?

Dear Gentle Reader,

Rich Husbands are a rare and gentle breed. They require the only the best Gold Digging Sluts that money has to buy.
So let's make you the best Gold Digging Slut out there!

Examine Your Wardrobe

Once again, credit to the always demure and graceful Coco.

How many spandex/items from Forever 21 do you currently own? If your answer was under 25 pieces you are woefully unprepared.
I suggest you open up charge accounts at Victoria's Secret and Forever 21 immediately and max them out. You need the wardrobe to get the man.
Think "Classy Slut"!

Personality

Your personality should resemble cardboard. The less you have the better. What rich man wants someone that has an opinion?
Centrainly not me.
Speaking of opinions, You should never have one. Unless it completely agrees with his. After all, who do you think you are? An equal partner? Ha!
Channel Barbie.
Isn't that what our society taught us? Barbie always gets the perfect (rich) Ken. Why think when you can be pretty?
Tehee!

Tastes

Have an opinion? Don't.
Like I said previously, leave it at the door of your 25 bedroom mansion! Because when you are this rich, who cares about your opinions. Say "Yes", look pretty, nod a lot and bang your pool boy, because that is the only love and affection you will ever get.

And always remember that nothing in this world matters more than money!

Happy Hunting,
Dear Rory

Uncomfortable at Gym

6/14/2012

Dear Rory,

I like to workout, but recently I found guys checking me out a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean all the time. It is starting to make me feel uncomfortable at the gym. What should I do?
- Not Liking the Gym

Dear Uncomfortable,
Sometimes it is hard being hot and sexy. My first question is: How tight are your spandex workout clothes? Let's see if any of these photos ring a bell.
Example A:

Example B:

Credits: All above photos are from the always glamourous and demour Coco.

While working out in lucite heels is always a good idea, Camel Toe is usually frowned upon. Fortunatly for you a new and amazing solution has been found!

Instead of having a horrific camel toe, you can now have a gargantuan left thigh.(It helps cover up the camel toe and the source of your discomfort). Sure scientists and genetic engineers will study you, but at least you will no longer be stared at like a hot sex object. Phew! *pats sweat off brow*
"Down with camel toe. More Gargantuanism" - chants all Mormons

My advice for you is that if you want to dissuade all interest is to simply wear dirty, smelly old rags.

Problem Solved!

Smell Well,
Dear Rory

Dear Long John

6/2/2012

Dear Rory,
My vagina hurts all the time, what do I do?

Dear,
Long John

Dear Gental Reader,
Please know that I can barely spell Gental Reader at this point. Go margaritas!
Your problem sounds of great importance and I shall address it as such. An unhappy vagina = an unhappy reader. And I never like an unhappy reader.
First of all let's ask ourselves: Why is your love muffin/bread maker/pineapple juice central unhappy? <insert images of several bread makers>

As a reader of DearRory.com, I certainly hope you've been getting your fill of "fun". But there is a limit to many men you can service a day. Try and keep it below 50 or so. *Sigh. Memories*

Additionally, I hear cranberry juice helps hurting "flowers that are ripe to bloom" into happy blossoms. Sooooo: Cranberry+Vodka+ Proper Bartender = No Pain, Maybe New Boyfriend and Good Times. Drink it up darling!

So in short, be a wise slut. Use protection and look at lots of paintings that look like pretty vaginas. (key to life)

Is this one a vajayjay? I couldn't tell.

With Love,
Dear Rory

P.S. and your pineapple is not a clown car. Do not become a Michelle Dugar. Georgia would not approve.

Rich Husband

Uncomfortable at Gym

Dear Long John

Dear Rory

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