Dear Long John

Dear Rory,
My vagina hurts all the time, what do I do?  

Dear,
Long John

Dear Gental Reader,
Please know that I can barely spell Gental Reader at this point. Go margaritas! 
Your problem sounds of great importance and I shall address it as such. An unhappy vagina = an unhappy reader. And I never like an unhappy reader.
First of all let's ask ourselves: Why is your love muffin/bread maker/pineapple juice central unhappy? <insert images of several bread makers>

As a reader of DearRory.com, I certainly hope you've been getting your fill of "fun". But there is a limit to many men you can service a day. Try and keep it below 50 or so. *Sigh. Memories*

Additionally, I hear cranberry juice helps hurting "flowers that are ripe to bloom" into happy blossoms. Sooooo: Cranberry+Vodka+ Proper Bartender = No Pain, Maybe New Boyfriend and Good Times. Drink it up darling!

So in short, be a wise slut. Use protection and look at lots of paintings that look like pretty vaginas. (key to life)

Is this one a vajayjay? I couldn't tell.

With Love,
Dear Rory

P.S. and your pineapple is not a clown car. Do not become a Michelle Dugar. Georgia would not approve.