My beloved kittycat, Vanessa, refuses to speak to me. Neither will she return my texts and/or voicemails. I am worried that she has a fungus. I would like take her to the veterinarian but, for reasons that I don't feel comfortable discussing at the moment, I am currently restricted from entering the premises of any of my local veterinarian offices. What do I do about Vanessa? I fear this fungus is destroying us. Please help. I am desperate
I think this issue goes much deeper than just fungus. Let's delve into why your cat is no longer speaking to you. What have you done to Vanessa?!
Have you changed her brand of cat food?
Did you have sex while she was watching?
Did you not buy her the fantastic new collar embedded with Austrian crystals and gold accents that she had her heart set on?
Did you get yet another cat and, thereby subliminally conveying the message that you don't love her anymore?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are a terrible owner and do not even deserve a dismissive glance from our dear precious Vanessa. You had better think long and hard about what you did and what your priorities are. Because, right now, my advice to the lovely Vanessa would be to pack her kitty bags and move onto greener pastures.