I'm writing with a rather delicate question - I truly hope you can help me!
My former best friend Ricardo and I had been buds since high school - we were in almost every class together and often would get into shenanigans after school. After both graduating from DeVry, we found ourselves back in our small midwest hometown married to dyslexic twins we met at the county fair, and operating a mechanic shop that converted Priuses into farm combines.
Ricardo gradually got mixed up with some shady characters - he started doing a fair amount of cocaine and neglecting his wife (my sister-in-law) and instead began showing his affections to Bulah, the runner-up best-in-show cow from the aforementioned county fair. (In Ricardo's defense, Bulah -was- a looker, and could party with the best of the barnyard animals.)
Gerontius the bull (Bulah's father) didn't take too fondly to all this, and blamed the government for the ills afflicted on his daughter by the hands of the liberal elite. Furthermore, he was incensed when, on a 3 day bender, Bulah broke her father's piggy bank to score more cocaine for her and Ricardo.
Imagine how much more enraged Gerontius became when, a few weeks later, he learned that his daughter was expecting not just a child but twins(!) fathered by Ricardo.
Gerontius, in a fit of rage, began plotting his revenge. After careful consideration, he hired a Bolivian ninja to take murderous revenge on Ricardo for shaming him and his once-proud bovine family. The Ninja, a nymphomaniac named Franco, snuck up on the lovers late one night in the barn Ricardo had built for Bulah and he just outside of town, and dispatched my dear friend with terminal efficiency. Franco, so overcome with lust at having encountered his quarry "in delicto flagrante" with Bulah, proceeded to make sweet love to her after his brutal slaying of Ricardo. He fell asleep during his post-coital smoke, his cigarette falling to the soft hay below and setting the clandestine lovers' barn ablaze. Its orange glow could be seen from the town center 3 miles away.
My question for you is this: Should I serve Sancerre or Chardonnay with Poached Salmon? Oh, and do you have Ricardo's coke dealer's phone number?
I always find Chardonnay a bit garish; Sancerre would be a better choice for your dinner party.