I can't seem to find my house keys anywhere. Where did they go?
One Lost Soul
You poor thing; lost house keys can be worse than a splinter. What if you never find them? What if you are locked out of your house forever? What if you are damned to sit outside your own front door, hopelessly pawing at it like a mangy stray dog certain to die of exposure and/or starvation? The HORROR!
Lucky for you Dear Rory is here to help. I have come up with a few ideas that will get you out of this incredibly dangerous position:
1) Consult a psychic. They know everything. Period.
2) Call the local police and firemen. Your taxes pay their salaries and they better work for it! Send them all out on a dire mission to find your precious lost keys.
3) Write your congressman. See #2
4) Hire your neighbor's children. This one of the few cases were those overweight bags of bacteria and disease are actually useful. They have a knack for finding small lost things and will work for pennies.
5) Hire a homeless person. See #4
6) Check your hand.